Spouse Hunting
- elmaddack
- Oct 22, 2024
- 3 min read
Yesterday, I cut through the woods behind my apartment and walked .2 miles to the nearest neighborhood to gaze at the beautiful houses. Massive modern mansions tucked away behind a gate, housing people with too much money on their hands. I took my time on this walk, ogling all the various ways beauty could manifest itself in a house. Brick walls lined with stone, turrets, gallery windows. I found myself picking and choosing qualities I would want in a house based on my own aesthetic taste.
As I walked, I realized there’s more that goes into a house than simply appearance– you have to look at the practical aspect of it as well. Does this house have qualities that align with my ideal life? Does it have a safe backyard where my kids could play, or is there too much delicate landscaping? Does it have a two-car garage? How far away from the store is it? What about the hospital?
What life does this house offer me, and is it a life that I want?
That’s when it hit me.
(I’m a single young Christian woman, so things like this hit me often.)
In the search for a potential life partner, you have to consider more than just the appearance. You have to examine their qualities, their mission, their values, their goals. You have to get to know someone enough to be able to answer that question:
What life does this person offer me, and is it a life that I want?
I think that’s ultimately what compatibility boils down to. Both of you, living the life that you choose to live and pursuing God whole-heartedly, should be able to look at the life that the other person is cultivating and think, “Yeah, I want to be part of that.” Quite simply, if that is not the case, then you’re signing up for a life you don’t want to be living. Marriage is a gift, and it’s important to exercise great discernment in choosing who is going to be by your side through the rest of life’s trials.
Who is going to take care of you when things get really, really hard? Who is going to value you and your family over everything else, and God’s word over all? Who will tell you when you’re in the wrong and push you to grow and change into a better person? (And then of course, you have to ask yourself if you can be this for the other person.)
Ideally, this is a choice you make once, so it’s really important to choose well. I advise against “soulmate” thinking, like out of the billions of people in this world there’s only one person you would have a happy and fulfilled life with. That is simply untrue. I think timing plays a big role in who you meet and when, and chances are there will be one very special person you meet at a very special time when both of you are ready to take things at the same pace, but that doesn’t mean that person is the only person you ever could’ve been happy with.
God gives us free will, so the choice is yours, but choose well, and whatever you choose, it’s up to you to honor God with that choice.
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